Accidental Brilliance

My three favorite things in the morning are silence, coffee, and my computer. I usually keep the lighting to a minimum so as not to wake the 3 children in the other room. My house has one main floor for living, so if I’m not careful, the silence is replaced by chatter. Lots of it.

With coffee in hand, I sit down to my computer and check out a list of blogs that I have discovered over the past few months. Besides the ones mentioned in my Liebster Award post, here are the other blogs I check out on a daily basis.

raisingcoloardo.com I found this blog when I googled funny female blogs. She writes about her family mostly. I love that she is down to earth and lets you know the real her.

barefootfoodie.com I also found this blog on the above mentioned Google search. She is hilarious with a capital H! She has an alterego too- Amuse Bouche that she says is for the voices in her head. Again, you’ll laugh your ass off.

itsnotallflowersandsausages.blogspot.com I was turned onto this blog from a friend and co-worker. If you are a teacher, you will love this blog.

ohsheglows.com This blog was recommended to me as I was searching to find more about vegetarian recipes. Angela not only gives you recipes (many from her vegan bakery!!!), but she tells her life story…struggles with eating disorders and her quest for happiness.

dooce.com For a mix of everything…style, photos, and humor, check out this site.

coolhunting. com This blog posts about new designs, technology, art, and culture. Be prepared to spend time sifting through the site. It can be overwhelming.

everywhereist.com Geraldine started this blog as a life change. Her husband travels, and when she got laid off from her job, she decided to go with him. She blogs about their travels.

What are your favorites??? (Please say Accidental Brilliance, please say Accidental Brilliance!!!)

Just this year, I fell into blogging. I happened to see my sorority sister’s new blog, thehouseoftrue.com and thought it was magical! I had been toying with the idea of writing since I have so many random thoughts…and well, Amithdoyle made it look so fun!! What I didn’t realize at the time was that a blog takes time. Behind the scenes, Amithdoyle works hard to balance a blog, a family, and a career.

The House of True is a mix of personal stories, family stories, fashion pieces, health topics, and house must haves. While her blog is new too, you would never know it. In fact, she inspires me daily to make sure I put forth my best effort.

Recently she bestowed upon me the

Now upward and onward, it is time to pass the torch to 5 bloggers who deserve a shout out!

1. Link back to the person who gave it to you and thank them.
2. Post the award to your blog.
3. Give the award to 5 bloggers with less than 200 followers that you appreciate and value (It’s a great way to get to word out there about other blogs!!)
4. Leave a comment on the 5 blogs to let them know that they have received this award.

Ok…here’s where I have to get creative with this award. I also just started following blogs, so many of the ones I follow have more than 200 followers. Here goes…

1. thehouseoftrue.com This is a first read every morning. I love when Amithdoyle posts about fashion. It makes me think about what I was planning to wear to work.

2. fortyandstillsingle.blogspot.com A friend from high school writes this blog. You won’t believe some of the dates she has gone on!! You’ll laugh and feel a little sad too.

3. pushupsintheprayerroom.com I’ve written about this friend before. Norm started this blog as an outlet for his stories. He has traveled all over the world and now has a book about his adventures. I’m sure he has more than 200 followers, but it’s still a must read.

4. projectwhitespace.com This blog is new to me. I discovered her on The House of True’s blog roll. She writes heartfelt pieces about her daily life.

5. beautyandbeard.blogspot.com This is also new to me. I like the fact that the blogger is a vegetarian. That’s my newest adventure!

Happy Reading!!!

Here’s how mine looked last night.

10pm get into bed. 10:01pm get out of bed to console child. 10:03pm get back into bed. 10:03pm get back out of bed to grab said child and put her in bed with me. Sleep on half a pillow on the almost edge of the bed. 12am Husband comes to bed and opens closet for a blanket. Proceeds to go to bed and snore off and on throughout the night. 2am Wake up and realize that my side of the bed is all hemmed up. Try to fix the sheets and blanket. Try to move the dog that is always on my side of the bed. Debate whether or not to get up and sleep in the empty bed. Fall asleep an hour later and have a bad dream. 6am alarm goes off. 

Unfortunately, this is not atypical. I don’t think I’ve slept well for 9 years. While I was trying to fall back asleep, I thought about the best night of sleep I’ve had in awhile. At the Whaler’s Inn….in a bed all to myself…with no one sleeping at the edge, crying in the night, or snoring. Just my best friend Ellen in the next bed over passed out cold. $60.

No one really prepares you when you have kids. Your parents will be beyond the moon to have grandchildren and your friends, the ones who have kids anyway, are so happy that someone else is joining the club. To say your life is over, is not only wrong, but just an insult. Your life…changes. The focus shifts from you to them and the trick is to not blame the partner you entered into this new life with.

Lately though, I feel that maybe I’m seeing things differently than some of my friends and relatives when it comes to parenting. Don’t get me wrong, my children are the most important people in my life and I try to make them happy. But I don’t center my world around them. I don’t sacrifice everything I want in order to fulfill their wants. Believe me, their needs are met. My shirts are used as both kleenex’s and napkins and I’m constantly singing, “I’ve been looking for a friend like you”. But when I read Family Fun Magazine or listen to some of my friends comment that “It’s all about the kids right now. Our time is later.”, I always wonder, what about time for everyone? I don’t agree that it’s all about the kids now. How will that help them later in life?

What parents forget is that children do need to figure some things out on their own. They need to be told no more often than not and they need to see good examples of parents who take time for themselves. No I’m not saying that you should hand off the children to a babysitter so you can catch up on 16 and Pregnant, but everyday, your children should see you making time for you. Even if that time is 10 minutes. Alone. In the bathroom. It should be a balance, like everything else in life. Time for you, time with them, time with your spouse. This is what I strive for.

So when my daughter tells me I love my Zumba class more than her, I just laugh. I call her bluff. She knows that this is not even close to true, but she’s hoping her words will change my mind and that I’ll stay home. But I can’t. I need this time just as much as she needs to see that I’m staying fit so I can be a better mom. When I get back an hour later, I’m refreshed and ready to play. The rest of the day can be hers.

My drive to work isn’t long at all, about 20 minutes total. Some mornings I’m so late I wish it was 10! I don’t make phone calls, but instead just listen to the radio. It’s the only time I really do listen to music or at least the music I want to hear. This morning as I turned on Backspin, I was treated to a little De La Soul, Ring, Ring, Ring.

Just last week I heard La Di Da Di by Slick Rick on my drive in. I remember first hearing that song in middle school. Not really understanding it all, but feeling like I HAD to memorize it all because that’s what my peers were doing. To this day I think it’s the only song, besides Happy Birthday, that I know by heart.

Then there are songs that you remember desperately trying to decipher. Take REM’s It’s The End Of The World As We Know It. On my drive home one day I turned on the radio half way through the song. As many times as I hear it, I still don’t understand the words! In high school, my friend Kristen and I listened and then rewound, and listened and wrote for at least an hour. What we wrote just didn’t make sense. I don’t know why we didn’t have the lyrics. Maybe it was taped off the radio (remember that?).

What music speaks to you? Where does it take you when you hear it?

Spring is here! It’s time to change the closets over. It’s time to get serious about those workouts. It’s time to get a pedicure.

I don’t bother with my hands. I can’t even grow my nails, why bother painting them. But my toes….I can get a pedicure and it lasts for weeks.

Here’s what I’d love to do to my toes.

Just as there are movies that we’ve watched and loved, there are those that we wish we’d never seen. Not because they were horrible or a waste of time, but because they’ve shocked us with their message. And while we wish we could take back what we saw, at the same time, you know somewhere within you, you had to see it. It’s message was too powerful to miss. Let’s face it, it scared the shit out of you and you’re glad it did.

When I ask people if they’ve seen this movie, I can tell right away if answer is yes. This look of horror washes over them as the movie images flood their brain. They flood mine too. It just leaves you feeling bad. And you quickly change the subject. I’ve never had this reaction to any other movie.

Do you know which movie I’m talking about? Have you seen it? Do you agree?

I grew up in a time when John Hughes was King. He created hit after hit that for the first time, gave a voice to the teen generation. I myself could watch any of his movies again, and again, and again, to the dismay of my father, who told me since I could recite the whole movie, I should just turn it off and sit in my room. Funny guy my dad.

I had 4 favorite movies in high school (not all John Hughes’ films). Maybe they were your favorites too.

What can I say? I adored Molly Ringwald!

When I was four, my family moved to a new neighborhood. I was too young to really have any feelings about moving. In our old house, my sister and I shared a room. While we had a big back yard, the house itself was small.  In our new house, my sister and I would have our own rooms. We would have two floors and a backyard with trees. We would have a furnished basement (well, mostly). And we would have a street, more like a circle, that was filled with families.

My first friend rode over on her skateboard as we were moving in and promptly introduced herself. She was younger than me but had guts like an adult. She sat on the board with her too big helmet and wanted to know if I could play. She became my best buddy, now a best friend, although at the time I don’t know if I appreciated that.

Life on this cul-de-sac was different. On any given day, there were up to 12 children ready and available to play. My sister and I had never experienced that before. There was never a reason to be bored. You would just wander outside and sit on the picnic table located on the green. Soon enough, the children would gather as if someone blew on the conch. Games would be suggested until the older children, who governed the group, made a decision.

We played all day, with bare feet and cuts and bruises. I remember I got stung on the foot several times one summer by honey bees who were feeding on the clover. It didn’t stop me from playing in bare feet though. Just a minor set back. I don’t even think I cried. That’s how it was back then.

My mom was home, as were most of the moms, but they were never outside with us. They just trusted that we would stay on the green and play nicely. There were times when a fight broke out or someone got really hurt, but those were only sometime events. It was a less tragic version of Lord of the Flies. You learned quickly how to behave if you wanted to be included.

When I think back to those days, they were some of the best days of my life. I wish my own children could experience that freedom. That they could learn how to create their own happiness and solve their own problems. It drives me nuts when my children tell me they are bored when they have a whole playroom upstairs. Or when they come to me to solve a problem that I know they could figure out if they just gave it some time. Maybe it’s time to teach them how to play S.P.U.D…..

Today as I was driving home with the roof open and the windows down, my mind wandered, as it usually does, and settled on the time when I had a GTI.

Eventually I grew up and the GTI no longer fit my family’s needs. I traded her in for the “Big Red Bus”. It was a BIG adjustment, but my life was now coming into its own. Someday I know I’ll have a fast car again, but for now I’ll just pretend I do.

I find it so frustrating when people dismiss what I have to say as if I could not possibly know more than they do. That I could not possibly have more experience than they possess. It happens with exercise, with education, and with childcare. I’ve learned to make my point and when it’s not accepted, to dismiss that person in my mind. If you don’t value my opinion, how can you expect me to value you?

Right before my grandmother passed away, I was lucky enough to say good-bye. She had been in and out of a health care facility for several months, and I had visited her plenty of times then. But this stay was different. There was something very final about it and I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I was being selfish, thinking only of my feelings.

It happened the day I was completely disappointed by the person I was dating. So I left his place upset. Crushed. And I just didn’t want to go home. I found myself at the nursing home. It was too early to visit, so I waited and prepared my emotions. When I went up to her room, she was awake. Thinner and hooked up to oxygen, but still I was comforted to be with my Grandma. I was so glad my bad morning had led me to her. I got the chance to talk, have a real, lucid conversation. In my heart I said good-bye, but my voice told her I’d see her soon.

A few days later, my grandmother passed. Although we knew it was coming, it was a sad day for everyone in my family. She had been our matriarch. Tough, like most matriarchs, but still the central part of all of us. In the weeks and months that followed, it was hard for me to believe that she was gone. If I went to my mother’s for dinner, I always expected my Grandma to be there. Even now, years later, I have to catch myself sometimes and remember that she is no longer with us.

When I think back to that day, I know it all happened for a reason. I was meant to see her. The universe knew and orchestrated a plan. And I am beyond thankful I fell into it. Had I not had that visit, I know I could not think of her without crying, without feeling that I had disappointed her. Because of that visit, I can just think of her and smile.

I must admit writing a blog was a split second decision for me. I saw a friend’s blog and thought, maybe this would be what I’m looking for. This would give my thoughts a voice. I’ve always had too much to say, too many ideas in my head, and way too many one person conversations. Now I could unleash them upon the world. But would anyone even care? Would anyone even read them?

Having a blog or any media publication means on some level you want others to see you, to see your work. You want them to know you, to like you, to admire your work, and to sing your praises. It sickens me sometimes to think that I’ve become this needy. It shouldn’t matter at all if anyone reads this. But it does. And except for a few people who’ve told me I should write a book, I really don’t know how I’m doing. 

Is there a book in here? Somewhere… I’d like to keep blogging for awhile. I just hope my thoughts are falling on deaf ears.

When I was in 1st grade, I met my first best friend. I had other best friends thus far, but they always had other friends I had to compete with. Take my friend A who scooted over on her skateboard the day I moved in. She is and will always be a best friend, a sister. But there were other neighborhood children and even my own sister who vied for her attention.

So when I met Rebecca, I felt like I met my soul mate. We were both left handed, lived in the same neighborhood, and had Mandy and Jenny dolls. We immediately became attached at the hip. I shared secrets with her, played with her almost everday after school, and even got into trouble with her.

And then one day Rebecca moved…to the next town over, but she might as well have moved to California. Our friendship drifted, but I never found a replacement bff. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve found plenty of girl friends, plenty of best friends over the years, but never the Shirley to my Laverne. Until I dated in high school. But that person should never have been allowed to be my bff. The relationship only crushed me in the end.

So here I am, years later, still searching for the person who will be Rebecca. The person who will call me everyday and think of some crazy thing to do, like tie our shoelaces together. The person to have inside jokes with, the person who will never judge me, the person to cheer me up when life gets me down. The person to be by my side until I’m old and gray.