Accidental Brilliance

This perfectly sums up running for me. Sometimes I absolutely want to go for a run. I’m so pumped and my legs are itching to go. Sometimes I have to talk myself into it because I know how good I’ll feel when I’m finished. And since I’m training for a half, at this point, I need to force myself to go on days when I would rather sit and play on pinterest.

Originally I was planning on a Girls’ Marathon for this October, but life happens. I wouldn’t say it’s totally out for the future, but it’s out for this October. Instead I signed up to do the half marathon that I’ve already run 3 times before. About 10 of my friends are running it this year, which never happens!!!, so I couldn’t miss out on this opportunity to be with people I love. Usually I run these things alone, and it’s a mental struggle. This year I want to use the power of my friends to get me to my goal- under 2 hours. I have to shave off 4 minutes from my PR and 9 minutes off the last one I ran (with a bum knee). I’m pretty positive that I can do this.

But this is why I MUST get myself out and train. Hill repeats, runs after I’ve already worked out, runs late in the day when I’m tired, they all help to build up that mental toughness, which is the key part to running. Do I think it was a cop out to change my goal? No. Not at all. Pushing yourself to achieve an unachievable goal is dumb. You’ll fail and feel miserable. It’s all about the process, right? And realizing that you need to modify a goal is learning to recognize what you can and can’t do. Right now, completing this half in less than 2 hours would mean the world to me. I can cross it off my list and move onto the full marathon. 

Whether your goal is to run a mile or 26.2, get out there and do it. Running is personal. The only person you need to compete with is yourself. 

(image courtesy of pinterest.com)

Good morning peeps! It’s Monday…again. Right now I can enjoy this fact because I don’t have anywhere to be. In 4 weeks, I’ll be bitchin’ again right with you. (Don’t hate!)

Here are some trending stories in case you don’t have time to catch up on the news. 

*Cheney has come out with a life changing statment- Picking Palin was a mistake for    McCain. Really? Next you’re going to tell me that the sun rises every morning. Geez.

*The Dutch field hockey team is getting attention because apparently they are the hottest female team in the Olympics. I wish I was making this up. It appears that women will continually be judged on not only their merit, but their “hotness” as well. 

*The Olympic hopefuls are not living up to the media hype that surrounds them. I feel bad for the athletes. To be built up as “The One” who will bring home the gold is a pressure that I would not want placed upon me. When they don’t deliver, they suddenly have a nation of displeased people. Thank you NBC! 

*Distracted walking is becoming more dangerous as a man on a cell phone fell over a railing on a train platform. Yikes. I know I’ve tripped while texting and walking. Let this be a lesson…put down your phone near trains.

*British soldiers will fill the empty seats at the Olympics. Enough said….

*And poor Robert Paterson wonders if Kristen Stewart wasn’t having an affair for months. I’m sorry, should I care? 

Have a good day!! 

This year I will turn 40. While many of my friends have been depressed about this age, I’m not bothered by the number. It’s just a number and I’ve never acted my age anyway. What does bother me, however, is how my body has started to react over the past few years. As I write this, I’m wearing glasses. I haven’t worn glasses since I was 4 and was trying to correct an astigmatism in my left eye. (Side note, I broke them several times if hiding them didn’t work). My body in general does not respond as kindly to the workouts I put it through, and I certainly cannot eat and drink whatever I want as in years past. 

With that being said, there are certain aspects of being 40 that I can’t wait for. I personally think women in their 40’s are sexy. They are beyond confident, don’t put up with bullshit, and can rock a hot red number while everyone else wears black. I can’t wait to join that group of women who don’t let a number define them. A group who is proud of who they are and what they’ve been through. A group who has taken ownership of themselves. 

For me, 40 will be the age I go back to school for a new start. The age when I will tackle more physical challenges. The age when I won’t be afraid to give someone my two cents. The age when I am my strongest. I’ll still be wearing my glasses and eating just celery and carrots, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to wear a plain black dress. 

It’s only Thursday, but in my mind, that means the weekend is really starting. Fridays are just a goof off day, right? Unless you doctor or nurse. Then everyday is serious! Happy Weekend!

Hilarious announcement! I can’t stand all those cutsie belly shots.

I miss Friends…has anyone checked out Episodes with Matt Leblanc? 

Demented and sad…

I feel like I posted this before?? I know, it’s a sad state of the world right now. No one wants to talk to anyone else.

Finally…the truth.

Couldn’t resist.

One of my pet peeves…

Um…yeah…

Enjoy your weekend full of nothing! 

(images courtesy of pinterest.com)

My husband had an idea recently to make a patio for the backyard. The backyard has been his canvas as of late as he has been busy taking down ginormous pine trees, growing grass, building a deck, putting in foundation plants and now, digging the patio. If I can brag (and I know he wants me too!), he has done a great job to make our backyard livable. And it’s all him too because he’ll ask me my opinion on something and I’m just like, sure sounds good. He gets mad because I’m not more enthusiastic about his plans, but it’s just that my head is swimming with my own plans. Usually they entail inventing a new way to get my children to listen to me, but plans nonetheless. 

First he started digging a hole. Yesterday all 3 girls helped him with the digging. The little one even managed to pee outside standing up a few times too. Who says only boys can do that. 

He decided to use stones that we found in various places in our lawn. Something the previous owners did, although we aren’t sure why.  Here are a few of the stones. My husband claimed he did a crossfit workout moving them. 

Today they finished digging out the hole. Trap rock and sand will go in next, then the stones, and finally crushed stone. My oldest daughter had her own ideas of how the patio should be constructed. She also created a nurse stand in case anyone got hurt on the job.

Here’s the toddler playing with our dog. She’s trying to get a ball away from him. He will seriously play ball ALL day. And she was quite content to run around in her underwear obliging. 

As for me, I supervised from the deck with my book. I’m looking forward to seeing the finished work. 

It’s summer time, and that means one thing with regard to my hair; frizz. No matter what products I use unless I’m pouring oil on my hair, nothing tames the wildness of my hair for very long. I wind up throwing it up in a ponytail or a bun everyday. This summer seems to be far worse than last year and I’m longing to cut my hair to a nice pixie cut or bob as I have done in years past.

Here’s what my hair is supposed to look like…

But it really looks and feels like this….

So here’s what I’m thinking instead….

I absolutely love this cut. But I’m not a hairdresser and the probability of it looking like this on a daily basis is slim to none.

This seems more manageable. And look- it’s already messy! Done.

I do think I could manage this cut. The different lengths would throw off any of my styling deficiencies. 

What do you think? Which cut should I attempt???? Let me know on my facebook page Accidental Brilliance. 

(images courtesy of pinterest.com)

“Hey, I’m home!” yelled Max when he got in. Julia was busy in the next room with the kids. It was much earlier than he had said.  She was sure to keep careful tabs on his comings and goings ever since the night in NYC. “You’re early. Is something up?” Julia asked surprised. “No, I just wasn’t feeling well so I took a half day and went to the doctor. I’m fine.” Max could see the panic rise in Julia’s eyes. “Just worried about work I think.” Max replied. “Everyone goes into the city now and goes to meetings and I may have to do more of that. It’s a big adjustment.” he explained. “They are always looking for ways to streamline the company and I need to make sure I stay a part of the group, not some extra that could be fired.”

“Makes sense”, Julia agreed. But she couldn’t help feeling a pit develop in her stomach with the mention of New York. Would there be more sleepovers? After all this time, Julia still didn’t have direct answers. Max only got defensive and never wanted to talk about it. Julia was well aware of Max’s moods and how things would only get worse if she pressed the issue. That’s just the way it was with Max. She compromised and he usually got his way.

“What did the doctor say?”, Julia asked. “He said it was just stress and then gave me a prescription for xanax for when I feel overwhelmed. It will calm me down.” Max said. “Listen, I’ve got to go upstairs to the office and jump on a call. I just left work in a rush and I’m sure everyone’s worried.” “Oh sure, yeah. We’re headed to the park anyway.” Julia got the girls ready and headed out the door. “Call if you need anything.”, she yelled up the stairs on her way out. She felt bad for him. He looked so sad and worried. Things must be really stressful for him right now. She was home from work for the year, which meant money was tight. Perhaps the stress of keeping his job was what made him seem distant lately. It made sense anyway.

Over the next few weeks, Max seemed more like himself. His smile came back and he was more relaxed. But the relationship resembled a friendship more than a marriage. He often went upstairs to the office and they hadn’t had sex in what seemed like forever. Their anniversary, 7 years, came and went without any celebration. Julia resolved to discuss this with Max when the girls were in bed. They needed a night out. But before Julia had the chance, Max came to talk to her with a grave look on his face.

“Julia, we have to talk,” he said. The girls were busy watching TV, so they had about 20 minutes before they were interrupted. The mere tone of his voice set her heart beating rapid fire. This was not good. Was he sick? Did he get fired? Was there something more to NY? Instead of saying anything, Julia just sat down as if in a trance and listened as Max spoke. “Listen, I went to the emergency room the other day. Same panic feeling in my chest as if I was having a heart attack. I didn’t, but I know what’s causing it and I need to talk about it.”, he started. Julia was frozen, but managed a small nod. “I just don’t know how I feel about our relationship anymore. Lately when I’ve been in NY, I’ve eaten my lunch in central park and I’ve looked around at the couples holding hands, kissing, just being interested in one another. That’s not us. You don’t like to do any of those things with me. I want that in a relationship. You should want that too.”, Max explained.

Tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her face in a silent, but strong flood. Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear anything else. And in all of this, Julia could not speak. While in her head she could agree with Max, and more times than she can remember, even felt like walking away herself. Somehow this announcement had caught her off guard. “Is there someone else?”, Julia asked, knowing full well the answer was probably yes. “There is someone that I have befriended and there is an attraction, but we’re friends. That’s all. I didn’t mean that to happen.”, said Max. “Is she in New York? Is that where you were the night you stayed over?”, Julia asked. “No. Nothing has happened. I swear.”, he promised.

Her mind was racing. Are you kidding me? While I’ve been home taking care of two kids and feeling guilty for financial stress, you’ve been running around the city having lunch dates in Central Park? And partying at night? After I supported you through failed stock trading and drug issues and that stupid boat you had to have, after all that, this is what I get. She didn’t say any of this although she wanted to. Think…think…there had to be something she was missing. “I don’t believe you. You stayed over and said you were staying with a colleague and now you’re telling me you have feelings for someone?”, Julia questioned. “Nothing has happened. I’m telling the truth!” he said. 

“The bigger question is, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt you, but I want to be happy. And I don’t want to hurt the girls either. I just need some time. Time to figure out what I want.”, Max explained. “I can do better, we can spend more time alone. I didn’t know you felt this way.”, Julia said desperately. It was true, she hadn’t tried lately, but she harbored many feelings of resentment that were hard to get past. So many feelings were swirling through her; disbelief, desperation, anger, sadness, worry. He was so ingrained in her life. What would she do now? Where would she go? Could she believe him? She sat in silence just listening to her brain make sense of the chaos. Max was talking about something, but she couldn’t tune in. 

“We’ll get through this. I just needed to tell you how I felt. I don’t want the kids to know anything, so we need to act as normal as possible. I’m sorry.”, Max said sadly. He truly did look sad. Julia stood up and gave him a hug and said sorry too. And while Max promised that they would figure it out, Julia was already split in two. The facade of Julia was trying hard to smile and stay calm, while her insides retreated to safety, curled up like a child waiting for a parent to put a protective arm around her. 

On my table in the dining room I have a basket to help contain my to-do’s. They used to clutter the table like an art deco tablecloth, but now they have a home. The only problem is I seem to forget about them in the basket. Every few days I’ll take them out and say, “ok, I have to do this today. This can wait until next week.” Except that I don’t do what I say. I have no desire lately to get anything done.

And then I walk outside and see my garden of weeds. They could win a prize, really. I desperately need to weed them, but I have no motivation once again. There are weeds in the flower beds and in the tomato pots and mixed in with some of the herbs. Sigh… 

The garden isn’t the only place around the house that requires my attention. Our bathroom is purple, not by our design and it’s been on our “to-do” list since we moved in 4 years ago. As is the pinkish purple color that covers the walls in our bedroom. It’s dying to be a nice sand color, but for now it is just a point of embarrassment. 

I’m not sure if it’s a factor of having a blended family, 3 kids, and working a full time job, but I have found that I am tried. A lot. And all I can think is that it never used to be this way. (Have I blogged about this before?? Getting wicked deja vu as I sit here at the bar sipping wine and writing on a cocktail napkin…) It’s not in my nature to be tired ever. I’m always on the go, but now I just want to sit and veg out. While this may be the goal of several people I know, I’m not comfortable with it.

Now as I write this, I can already hear many of you saying, “It’s a part of getting old, so get used to it. What’s wrong with resting here and there? You do too much.” My reply is be quiet! I will not take this lying down with a bag of chips in my hand…although that does sound appealing. If you see my former, energetic self, will you tell her to come home? Thanks.

If it seems like there is a husband theme going on here, don’t blame me! Blame Pinterest. 

Happy Friday!

And wants a gold star too!

Mitch Hedberg..one of the greats (RIP)

This is so my husband.

Ha! Can you name the movie? 

pet peeves

Too soon?

no comment 

If only I could have said this…

(images courtesy of pinterest.com)

 Right now my toddler is under the table with a purple pen writing on her legs. I think she even wrote on her father’s legs too. The rest of the family is eating a delicious dinner, and she’s causing mayhem as usual. While she’s my little buddy and proclaimed yesterday that I was her best friend!, she is the reason why I am not having anymore children.

As I write this piece, she has decided to come out from under the table, push her sister, call her father a stupid idiot, and try to climb on the table. But just as quickly as she can drive us crazy, she’ll change and plant a big kiss on our lips in hopes to defuse our anger. Oh she knows exactly what she’s doing.

In any given day, she will draw on walls and tables even after she’s been told not to,  scream louder on purpose in the car when you remind her that screaming is for outside only, play in the bathroom sink and spill water on the floor and will keep doing it until you physically remove her from the scene, and step in the swept up pile of dirt in the kitchen with a big smile on her face when you tell her to please be careful and walk around.  In fact I think she did all but one of these today. The screaming took place in the house instead.

Yes, she drives me crazy sometimes, but I cannot live without her. She is my little buddy when my older daughters and my husband are away. She gives me kisses and hugs on an hourly basis. And when she’s away from me, because I desperately need a break, I miss her like crazy. So while I wish she were a little calmer some days, I know this zest for life will get her far. For sure she will leave an impression wherever she goes.

This morning, after many failed attempts, I have finally figured out how to link this blog to my facebook page, Accidental Brilliance. When you click on the FB icon on the home page, you will be prompted to log in. And then voila!! Please let me know if there are any glitches.

I also caught up on your comments on various posts. Thank you! And keep commenting! I love hearing your thoughts. I urge more of you to comment. 

Don’t forget about the Ask Me feature!! 

Thank you for supporting Accidental Brilliance. 

One of the great things about living in a small town or cluster of small towns is the comforting mainstays. (Thank you Jon!) The people who are constant fixtures in your life even though you have never met them. Like the shirtless and shoeless doberman walker or the real live Santa who hands out stickers to the children who greet him.  Or the group of old men who sit in lawn chairs in front of the pizza place watching the traffic go by and the bike rider who is pedaling so slow I seriously don’t know how the bike remains upright.

One of these constants is the fluffy dog walker. I would see him on my drives into and home from work, walking his little fluffy tan dog on the side walk. Sometimes the man was in a suit and sometimes just casual clothes. He looked happy walking his dog and of course the dog was more than content to be outside. Lately though, I noticed just the man walking and no dog. The first time I saw it, I didn’t really register the difference. But then I felt that every time I saw the man, he was alone. For some reason this made me sad. I wondered if his little fluffy friend had died or run away. The man seemed sad too, I thought, but I could have been projecting. 

Today on my way home, I saw the man walking again. And this time he had 2 fluffy tan dogs with him!! 2!! Now I’m not only happy for the man, but I’m also very curious about these 2 dogs. Is one of them the same fluffy dog before, but perhaps he got a second dog who wasn’t trained yet so he couldn’t walk them both and he couldn’t walk one without the other?? Did something happen to the fluffy dog so he replaced him/her with 2 new dogs? Doesn’t he know I’m noticing these changes, in an unstalker-like fashion, and demand answers? If I see him tomorrow and he has 3 dogs, I think I’ll lose my mind!